I absolutely own all of it. I was (and to certain degrees
still am) shy, uncoordinated, timid, lacking in confidence, easy to embarrass
and afraid of failure. So not only did I not believe in my ability to do it, but
I also convinced myself that there was only one way to do it. If it didn’t
happen exactly that one way, then it wasn’t right, and I was failing. I’d stop,
take a break (for a long time) and then think that I just wasn't ready, or the
timing was off. I'd try again thinking or hoping it would be different. But
when I'd come across the same problem, I'd do the same thing again. I had a
huge problem other than my ignorance with nutrition and fitness. It was me. It
was my way of thinking and how I dealt with my problems. To sum it up I had no
confidence and was trying to over protect myself from failing. But this way of
thinking kept leading me to give up when I needed to continue to push even in
the face of uncertainty and extreme frustration so that I could get the desired
results I needed from hard work and determination. Without realizing it, I had
a poor mindset and needed to change it. But how? Fast forward to a few years
later, when studying for my certifications in personal training, I realized
that there was a psychological component to the weight gain and eventual weight
loss. There is even a psychological component to weight maintenance! But at the
time I didn't realize any of this and slowly began to make changes based upon
the outlook of people who succeeded with similar journeys and made the changes.
I learned a little from them and then instinctually and gradually made changes
on my own. Later, when I had time to reflect on the collective commonalities of
these successful people and looked at my own recent success, I came to the
striking conclusion that they changed their mindset to allow for their habits
to change. Each and every one of the inspirational people that I admired for
their problem-solving skills, personal growth, and wellness found a way to stop
telling themselves no and setting themselves up for failure. They dealt with
their issues and practiced a certain level of consistency to obtain their
success. And when a setback or failure occurred multiple times, they handled it
gracefully and kept back at it. Even if it wasn't as graceful as it could have
been, they didn't let it discourage them for too long before they tried again.
If I was going to make solid and healthier choices, I had to be honest with
myself about the choices I was making due to the mindset I had. I had to shift
my fixed mindset to one reflective of a growth mindset. There is a great
article that covers this topic that I have recently found indicated at the end
of this blog article by Kendra Cherry. But to briefly summarize: a person with
a fixed mindset tends to have an all or nothing mentality in their abilities.
What you see is what you get and believes either you can, or you can't. The
ability cannot be acquired and is innate to that particular person. However, person
with a growth mindset believes that if you work hard and diligent at a task,
you can learn and begin the path to building a mastery level of experience and
expertise. This high level of expertise is not necessarily promised to you, but
if you keep at it, you can eventually and gradually get there. You do not have
to be born with this talent or skill to acquire it.
1. Not stepping outside of my comfort zone.
2. Telling myself no (Lack of confidence).
3. Staying willfully ignorant (Lack of research and education).
4. Not taking ownership, accountability, and responsibility.
These four areas led me to inevitably give up and not face
my poor habits and relationships with food, diet, fitness, interpersonal
relationships, etc. Until I addressed these factors, it was never going to get
better for me. In essence, I had to take action! And as scary as that
realization was, I began the process.
Stepping Outside of my Comfort Zone
I was always the one to walk away when I got extremely
uncomfortable with an activity. This was due to feeling extremely uncomfortable
with failure. I was misguided and somehow thought that success meant doing it
right the first time around. When I began seeing that failure was a part of the
equation, I soon realized it was okay if a part of the process didn't go
according to plan. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, focus on what went
right. Stay in the moment, continue, and just push through. An example I can
share is working out in the free weight area not only as a beginner but also as
a woman in her late 30s/early 40s. It was so intimidating because when you are
on a treadmill or in a group workout setting, it is all guided and you don't
have to think about what to do next. But where I needed to be the most was inside
that very foreboding free weights section to advance in my fitness journey. I began to slowly figure out what to do so
that I didn't go in there without a game plan in mind. Eventually I started
researching different weightlifting programs for women to have a solid
beginner's routine I could use to start with. Also, researching the equipment
and seeing how they work and what muscle groups they workout helped too as
well.
Positive Self Talk/Improving Confidence
I began to remember that when I tell myself no that is it.
No is a very final word. It stops everything and is the final answer. Nothing
can be done when I tell myself no. Likewise with saying the more passive
version which is "I can't." Getting goals and objectives done begins
with me when I say "yes" and "I can" and ends with me when I
say "no" and "I can't." No one should be responsible to
change my mindset about those things but me. It begins with me and ends with me.
I had to learn to be open to and maneuver past my doubts first before change
can happen and receive help from others too.
Without realizing it, I was beginning to in list what I know
now is called a "Paradox Mindset" (Please check out the link to the
article below by Loizos Heracleous and David Robson about this topic.). In
order to make things happen, I began to embrace a more thinking outside of the
box approach than to think of things in such a linear straight forward manner.
I had to re-examine everything that I thought was initially
no and genuinely question whether it really couldn't be done or if my thoughts
weren't creative or dynamic enough to proceed. I became obsessed with
researching and coming up with helpful tips, tricks, hacks, suggestions, ideas,
DIYs, that could help me find a way around my situation so that I could move
forward and not be in a rush. Another big problem was scheduling. I would give
up if I couldn't fit everything in in one day. I had to reevaluate my days to
figure out how I could reschedule and be flexible in order to balance
everything out. Schedules are always dynamic and have to be revised and
reviewed periodically. It is still a challenge for me that I continue to work
on this.
Research and Education (to Overcome my Ignorance)
Not doing my due diligence and researching topics on proper
nutrition and fitness but instead sticking with a trendy fad diet did not help
me with long-term weight loss and maintenance at all. Since I have done this
one too many times, I know this as fact now. The more knowledgeable I have
become, the more informed decisions I have made that led to better results and
ultimately becoming more empowered and poised to succeed. Every year or few
months now new facts and information are released about health and fitness. I
have realized that the research and pursuit and discovery of new information
should be ongoing and endless so that I can fine tune my own habits. I now research
for this new information and take relevant courses to keep up with this
periodically.
Taking Ownership, Accountability and Responsibilities
This was a big one that was hard to accept because it can be
very easy to hand over too much of these factors to other people or
situations/circumstances that are out of my control. Work, school, people
(family and friends), and time, to juggle and management can be overwhelming
all at once and can lead to giving up and believing in being incapable of
getting it done right. This became a balancing act for me leading me to realize
that it was okay for small incremental changes can occur over time. In certain
situations that might be for the best. And this is where I had to learn to be
increasingly flexible as well! So, setting up a schedule with flexibility and
developing realistic goals helped too. Ever heard about SMART Goals? It is a
systematic method of devising goals that can be realistically accomplished in a
measurable amount of time. Each letter of the word "SMART" stands for
an action to take in developing the most effective goal possible so you can
accomplish the incredible.
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timely
If you follow the structure of a SMART goal, you increase
the chances of not only sticking with your objectives but of accomplishing them
in an effective and efficient manner. SMART Goals are not only utilized a lot
in the fitness industry but also used by other industries during business
practices as well.
In the end when I began addressing my mentality and mindset,
I was enabling myself and giving myself permission to succeed until I finally
made it happen. Now, I don't claim that all of my problems are solved. I will
always be an emotional eater and I will always have to coach myself to step out
of my comfort zone, to challenge myself to be more creative and dynamic in my
thinking, take ownership and accountability, etc. But now I have the resources
and tools that I have in place for myself to utilize for a lifetime. These
resources and tools are solid, and I can confirm that my confidence has
improved immensely. To this day I constantly work at it but now I recognize
that I am and always will be a work progress no different than you. I am just
like you, and we are collectively just like everyone else also sharing in the
struggles of getting better with developing an effective growth mindset. We are
all very capable and we can succeed. I believe that and so should you!
References (Checkout these articles mentioned in this blog
article):
v
Article: “What Is a Mindset and Why It Matters”
By Kendra Cherry: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-mindset-2795025
v Article:
“Why the 'Paradox Mindset' is the Key to Success” By Loizos Heracleous and
David Robson: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20201109-why-the-paradox-mindset-is-the-key-to-success
Need more help on this topic? I do have a free
PDF for download regarding fixed mindset, growth mindset and SMART Goals.
If you don't have time right now to read either article, I have created a two-page
cheat sheet briefly summarizing the points of both and I have also included a
little bit more information about SMART Goals. This will not take the place of
reading either article or research on SMART Goals, but it is intended to assist
those that are busy and pressed for time to get started with the concepts. You
can view the downloadable
PDF here.
Please feel free to check it out and don’t be afraid to
reach out to me and let me know what you think! I’m
always here for you when you need me to be!
Until next time… Keep it Fired up Superstar!™
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